Let Love Find You-Especially When You Feel Desperate

Desperately searching for love when you’re lonely is not attractive at all. If you create a happy and content life on your own and then let love find you, you’ll be ready for it. For some mystical reason, love always seems to find us when we least expect it instead of taking drastic measures to try and find it.

 Martin Ward | October 25, 2021

pensive lonely woman with cocktail sitting in bar

“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”
Robert Frost 1874 – 1963

 

Table of Contents

Why You Should Let Love Find You

No one ever wants to bring someone into their lives who seem desperate or needy.

The best thing you can do if you’re looking for love is to get your life together, be patient, and simply let love find you.

It’s likely that the eligible young ladies or suitable gentlemen are standing right there in front of you in the daily encounters you do the normal things you regularly do in the world.

Everyone who is looking for a life partner, or the right person, wants to meet someone confident, who has a clear sense of themselves and a sound intent and direction for their own lives.

Confidence and knowing who you are is very attractive and have an inherent amount of sex appeal.

Allowing the law of attraction to work in your favor is found in any expert guidance book on looking for love.

It’s probably what you’re looking for in a love life while out on your often desperate search, right?

Showing your desperation is of very little help and not sending the right signals to the person of your dreams.

For a relationship, love, or romance to come into your life, you need to be emotionally prepared for it and handle all the twists, turns, and ups and downs that it will create in your life.

Love inevitably creates significant changes in your life.

If you don’t think that finding love brings a considerable number of challenges and difficulties, then you’re certainly not ready for love to show up.

“Love does not die easily. It is a living thing. it thrives in the face of all life’s hazards, save one – neglect.” ~ James D. Bryden 1863 – 1938

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Signs You Are Desperate For Love

  • You often think that you will never find someone.
  • You often feel that you are unworthy of being loved
  • You have specific details and dealbreakers about what you want in your potential partner
  • You often think that finding someone would be the solution to loneliness

It’s not always easy to understand how our minds could be sabotaging our lives or how we’re working against ourselves and our best intentions in one way or another. You can find a desperate debutante sitting alone in nightclubs all around the world, from Paris to New York City.

In other words, it’s not easy for human beings to control their emotions without understanding why their thoughts or limiting beliefs are influencing their emotions.

It’s impossible to understand that you’re emotionally driven or desperate if you cannot stop to examine and validate the reality of your thoughts, which are actually making you feel desperate.

“There is only one kind of love, but there are a thousand imitations.” Francois de La Rochefoucauld 1613-1680

What Are The Signs Of True Love?

  • Your feelings are not attached to external, temporary qualities, such as looks, money, fame, connections, etc.
  • You recognize the unconditional nature of your feelings for them.
  • You also recognize the other person’s unconditional nature of their feelings for you.

“True love” is not elusive, but it can certainly be easy to miss if we’re not sure, in our own hearts, what authentic love is and how it differs from superficial attraction or obsession, especially when one’s sexual satisfaction is a key motivational aspect of the search.

Recognizing real love in ourselves is necessary if we want to be able to recognize it in others and cultivate it in a relationship.

This may sound like a trite platitude—you have to love yourself before you can love someone else—but like most cliches, they come from a place of truth.

Have you ever thought that you are “not worthy” or “not good enough” in one way or another?

If you do, then I rest my case because 99% of the time, those negative thoughts are not factually accurate.

We need to stop and recognize this kind of negative thinking, become more self-aware of when these thoughts occur, and examine the facts about them and the reality of who we are.

Over time, the limiting beliefs we’ve developed throughout our lives plague our daily actions and reactions, clouding our ability to recognize real love when it’s right in front of us.

Instead, we might choose relationships that reinforce our negative or limiting beliefs about ourselves. It can be a vicious cycle, but it’s one that we can escape, and we must when trying to find the real love we’re looking for.

A handsome cupid can easily turn into a deceiving little devil if we’re not at our best when we meet someone for the first time, even if there seems to be that intense, firey, and sexy chemistry we might be feeling.

 

 

 

a happy guy with beard sitting alone on the grass in autumn park by the lake

Being OK with being alone

In her article on Psychologytoday.com, Theresa E. DiDonato, Ph.D., pointed out, “Being single, however, can be an empowering and rewarding experience. It might be wise to hold out for a relationship that meets your expectations and elevates you to have the experiences you deserve.”  

This is the main point that I want to leave you with today, and it’s what I hope you take with you from our brief time together in this blog post: love yourself first.

“Lovers are fools, but Nature makes them so.”
Elbert Hubbard
1856-1915

Dog watching man and woman kissing

Difference Between Lust And Love

We are initially drawn toward each other, or the perfect lover, by urges deep within our primordial brains.

We can’t even begin to grapple with these instincts deep within our DNA that create attraction and lust and can take lives in an unexpected direction.

We initially lust for or crave someone because of their confidence, coyness, or witty repartee, or we see something in them that would lead us to believe that they will benefit our reproduction or survival.

Of course, then the love of your life will open their mouth and say something stupid, crude, or inappropriate, and our developed brain kicks in and kicks them to the curb.

We may even still feel that lust, but we also know they’re not someone we actually want to spend time with. They’ve disproved what we first believed we saw. 

Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University, explains in her article: Brains Do It: Lust, Attraction, and Attachment:

 “I believe that three primary, distinct, but interrelated emotion systems in the brain mediate mating, reproduction, and the rearing of young: lust, attraction, and attachment. Each emotion system is correlated with a specific neurobiology in the brain; each is associated with a different repertoire of behavior; and each evolved to direct a specific aspect of reproduction in birds and mammals.”  

So if you’re looking for real, long-lasting love, take a step back from jumping in bed and listen to what they say and what your gut instinct is telling you, instead of listening to your primordial lustful mind.

Listen to what your long time close friends may be telling you. They can always see the handwriting on the wall and know what that special person you deserve looks like.

Of course, love, at first sight can happen, but real love that lasts requires time, energy, and understanding.

“Happiness is the legal tender of the soul.”
~ Robert Green Ingersoll 1833 – 1899

Are You Ready To Be In A Relationship?

On one level, we’re always ready for love to enter our lives, whether it’s from someone who may become our best friend or someone who could potentially become our forever partner.

However, actually allowing ourselves to become romantically entwined with someone has many significant considerations, and a more mature individual would want to step back and think about these things.

It’s important to process all the pros and cons of beginning a serious relationship based on where they’re at on their own personal path.

A staff writer from HealthyPlace.com writes in their article “Maturity in relationships” “Maturity, in general, is many things. Maturity in a love relationship is everything! First, it is the ability to base a decision about a love relationship on the big picture – the long haul. In general, it means being able to pass up the fun for the moment and select the course of action which will pay off later.” 

Let Things Happen Naturally

Letting love find you naturally is important in finding the kind of love you genuinely desire in your own life. Our greatest fear is that we wake up one day and realize we were searching for the wrong things and we found them in the wrong person.

You are not searching for love in a marriage mart for the wedding of your dreams. You are searching for the only thing we really need in a partner, unconditional love that’s moving equally in both directions.

Searching for love out of need and desperation is commonplace and tragic. And it’s not the way to find what you’re actually looking for.

You never know where or when love will show up in your life: your favorite coffee house, the local bookstore, on the bus to work, waiting for a plane home.

Who knows, they might be flying to your hometown looking for a new job or school, and the mystical magic of love simply happens right then and there.

So you need to be ready.

If you love yourself and your life and know you don’t need anything or anyone else to make you happy, you will suddenly, unexpectedly, somewhere – let love find you.

How Couple's Met Graphic
Juliet's Balcony Verona Italy
Juliet's Balcony, Verona, Italy

Conclusion

While I was researching for this post, I came upon something I thought would be relative to the topic of letting love find you.

Juliet’s Balcony in Verona, Italy.

Shakespeare wrote about this courtyard and balcony in his play Romeo and Juliet.

The balcony belongs to the aptly named La Casa di Giulietta, or House of Juliet, which is the former residence of the Cappello family and the inspiration for the Capulets in the story.

The story of Romeo and Juliet (Capulet) was fiction, but in the hearts and minds of lovers from across the globe, it’s a story that recognizes the eternal and endearing nature of love.

And the often-tragic romances that love can often create.

Some people even write letters to Juliet at the Verona address, and a group there writes response letters back to them.

If you’ve read the play, you know that Romeo and Juliet met unexpectedly at a masked ball held by Juliet’s family, the Capulets, and fell madly in love.

Proof once again that if you let love find you, it will.

Write your own screenplay, short story, or new novel about how true love… finally found you.

“It is difficult to know at what moment love begins; it is less difficult to know that it has begun.”
~
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 1807 – 1882

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Martin (Marty) Ward

My Name is Marty Ward and I’m the creator and publisher of the 1-Vibrant-Life blog.

On March 8th, 1984, at the age of 26, I sustained a traumatic brain injury in a car accident while driving to my day job.

At the time of the accident, I was having a fairly successful life as a musician in Chicago, which included a recent appearance on Star Search 84′ with Ed McMahon and preparing to be included in a group major independent recording contract. 

However, after my accident, I was unable to perform or play my instrument for months and the group I was in disbanded.

I was out of work and I had lost all confidence in myself and my abilities, felt lost and with no direction. 

My injury and my recovery led me down a path of self-improvement, and self-discovery which gave me my life back filled with many amazing experiences and a newfound sense of hope. Learn more about my story on the 1-vibrant-life about page. 

CBTCP Certification (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Certified Practitioner) | 10-16-2021  Certification From The Academy of Modern Applied Psychology, in The Transformative Science of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, CBT