Which Would You Choose For Yourself?
A. More Confidence, Self-Belief, and Success?
B. Less Stress, Anxiety, and Worry?
Let Love Find You-Especially When You Feel Desperate
Desperately searching for love when you’re lonely is not attractive at all. If you create a happy and content life on your own and then let love find you, you’ll be ready for it. For some mystical reason, love always seems to find us when we least expect it.
Martin Ward | October 25, 2021
“Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.”
Robert Frost 1874 – 1963
Table of Contents
Why you should let love find you
No one ever wants to bring someone into their lives who seem desperate or needy. The best thing you can do if you’re looking for love is to get your life together, be patient, and simply let love find you.
Everyone who is looking for a partner wants to meet someone confident, who has a clear sense of themselves and a sound intent and direction for their own lives.
That is very attractive. It’s probably what you’re looking for in your desperate search, right?
For a relationship, love, or romance to come into your life, you need to be emotionally prepared for it, with all the twists, turns, and ups and downs that it will create in your life.
Love inevitably creates significant changes in your life. If you don’t think that finding love brings with it a considerable number of challenges and difficulties, then you’re certainly not really ready for love to show up.
“Love does not die easily. It is a living thing. it thrives in the face of all life’s hazards, save one – neglect.”
James D. Bryden 1863 – 1938
Signs you are desperate for love
- You often think that you will never find someone
- You often feel that you are unworthy of being loved
- You have specific details and dealbreakers about what you want in your potential partner
- You often think that finding someone would be the solution to loneliness
It’s not always easy to understand how our minds could be sabotaging our lives, or how we’re working against ourselves and our best intentions in one way or another.
In other words, it’s not easy for human beings to control their emotions without understanding why their thoughts/limiting beliefs are influencing their emotions.
It’s impossible to understand that you’re emotionally driven or desperate if you cannot stop to examine and validate the reality of your thoughts, which are actually making you feel desperate.
“There is only one kind of love, but there are a thousand imitations.” Francois de La Rochefoucauld 1613-1680
What are the signs of true love?
- Your feelings are not attached to external, temporary qualities, such as looks, money, fame, connections, etc.
- You recognize the unconditional nature of your feelings for them.
- You recognize the other person’s unconditional nature of their feelings for you as well.
“True love” is not elusive, but it can certainly be easy to miss if you’re not sure what authentic love is and how it differs from superficial attraction or obsession.
Recognizing real love in ourselves is necessary if we want to be able to recognize it in others and cultivate it in a relationship.
This may sound like a trite platitude—you have to love yourself before you can love someone else—but like most cliches, they come from a place of truth.
Have you ever thought that you are “not worthy” or “not good enough” in one way or another?
If you do, then I rest my case, because 99% of the time, those negative thoughts are not factually accurate.
We need to stop and recognize this kind of negative thinking, become more self-aware of when these thoughts occur, and examine the facts about them and the reality of who we are.
Over time, the limiting beliefs we’ve developed throughout our lives plague our daily actions and reactions, and they cloud our ability to recognize real love when it’s right in front of us.
Instead, we might choose relationships that reinforce the negative or limiting beliefs that we have about ourselves. It can be a vicious cycle, but it’s one that we can escape, and we must in order to find the real love we’re looking for.
Being OK with being alone
In her article on Psychologytoday.com, Theresa E. DiDonato, Ph.D. pointed out that
“Being single, however, can be an empowering and rewarding experience. It might be wise to hold out for a relationship that meets your expectations and elevates you to have the experiences you deserve.”
This is the main point that I want to leave you with today, and it’s what I hope you take with you from our brief time here together in this blog post: love yourself first.
“Lovers are fools, but Nature makes them so.”
Difference between lust and love
We initially are drawn towards each other by urges deep within our primordial brains. We can’t even begin to grapple with these instincts deep within our DNA that create attraction and lust.
We initially lust for someone because we see something in them that would lead us to believe that they will benefit our reproduction or survival.
Of course, then they open their mouths at the bar and say something stupid, crude, or inappropriate, and our developed brains kick in and kick them to the curb.
We may even still feel that lust, but we also know they’re not someone we actually want to spend time with. They’ve disproved what we first believed we saw.
Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University, explains in her article: Brains Do It: Lust, Attraction, and Attachment:
“I believe that three primary, distinct, but interrelated emotion systems in the brain mediate mating, reproduction, and the rearing of young: lust, attraction, and attachment. Each emotion system is correlated with a speciﬁc neurobiology in the brain; each is associated with a different repertoire of behavior; and each evolved to direct a speciﬁc aspect of reproduction in birds and mammals.”
So if you’re looking for real, long-lasting love, take a step back from jumping in bed and listen to what they say and what your gut instinct is telling you, instead of listening to your primordial lustful mind.
Of course, love, at first sight, can happen, but real love that lasts requires time, energy, and understanding.
“Happiness is the legal tender of the soul.”
Robert Green Ingersoll
1833 – 1899
Are you ready to be in a relationship?
On one level, we’re always ready for love to enter our lives, whether it’s from someone who may become our best friend or someone who could potentially become our forever partner.
However, actually allowing ourselves to become romantically entwined with someone has many significant considerations, and a more mature individual would want to step back, think about these things.
It’s important to process all the pros and cons of beginning a serious relationship based on where they’re at on their own personal path. A staff writer from HealthyPlace.com writes in their article “Maturity in relationships”
“Maturity, in general, is many things. Maturity in a love relationship is everything! First, it is the ability to base a decision about a love relationship on the big picture – the long haul. In general, it means being able to pass up the fun for the moment and select the course of action which will pay off later.”
Let things happen naturally
Letting love find you naturally is so important in order to get the kind of love that you genuinely desire in your life.
Searching for love out of need and desperation is commonplace and tragic. And it’s not the way to find what you’re actually looking for.
You never know where or when love will show up in your life: your favorite coffee house, the local bookstore, on the bus to work, waiting for a plane home. Who knows, they might be flying to your hometown for a new job or school, and the mystical magic of love simply happens right then and there.
So be ready.
If you love yourself and your life, and you know that you don’t need anything or anyone else to make you happy, suddenly, unexpectedly, love will find you.
While researching this post, I came upon something I thought would be very relative to the topic of letting love find you: Juliet’s Balcony in Verona, Italy.
Yes, it’s the courtyard and balcony that Shakespeare wrote about in his play Romeo and Juliet.
The balcony belongs to the aptly named La Casa di Giulietta, or House of Juliet, which is the former residence of the Cappello family and the inspiration for the Capulets in the story.
The story of Romeo and Juliet (Capulet) was fiction, but in the hearts and minds of lovers from across the globe, it’s a story that recognizes the eternal and endearing nature of love.
And the often-tragic romances that love can often create.
Some people even write letters to Juliet at the Verona address, and a group there writes response letters back to them.
If you’ve read the play, you know that Romeo and Juliet met unexpectedly at a masked ball held by Juliet’s family, the Capulets, and fell madly in love.
Proof once again that if you let love find you, it will.
“It is difficult to know at what moment love begins; it is less
difficult to know that it has begun.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 1807 – 1882