How To Gain Self-Confidence And Self-Esteem (Quickly)
The first step in learning how to gain self-confidence and self-esteem, and do it quickly, is to take the time to sit down and seriously think about all your great qualities and the positive attributes you know to be true about yourself.
Then, and this is the key, write all of these things down on a legal pad or a notepad and keep this list with you wherever you go!
Also, you can write down the positive past experiences and accomplishments throughout your life. And yes, I believe that you have many. These are the fundamental and foundational positive aspects of who you are.
The second step is to use this same list to mentally overcome negative thinking and build your confidence in overriding these negative thoughts, self-doubt, and limiting beliefs.
You do this by recognizing any negative thoughts or feeling of a lack of confidence in yourself, then stop, take this list out and read it.
Your new list of positive aspects of yourself will help you counter the negative thoughts and any low confidence level you might be feeling. Not the old negative, self-defeating thoughts that you’ve grown accustomed to.
This process helps build your confidence and self-esteem and gives you a renewed sense of who you are and what you can do or accomplish.
If you work to implement this one crucial process, you will quickly begin feeling a newfound self-confidence and self-belief in all areas of your life.
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“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever
to be able to do it.”― J. M. Barrie
How to gain confidence quickly
Low confidence and low self-esteem are created by the same thing, which is your internal repetitive negative self-talk and negative thinking.
Yes, I know, it sounds scary simple, right?
No matter how you do it, on your own or with the help of a psychotherapist, phycologist, or a professionally trained therapist, building a new self-image and frame of mind needs to happen for you.
This is where it’s imperative to make it clear that seeking out and working with a trained professional therapist or mental health professional when you find yourself in difficult situations in your life is the very best thing you can do for yourself.
When you are under extreme anxiety, stress, and uncertainty about what to do in your life or where to turn, it is the best thing you can do for yourself in your life. Never be afraid of reaching out and getting help.
There are many options for you to choose from, including the new national 988 mental health hotline that is now available for everyone to call.
To gain self-confidence and self-esteem, you need to create a better internal mental picture of yourself and do the work it will take to build upon that new mental picture of yourself day in and day out.
It’s not hard work it’s just sticking with it and taking out that list until your mind begins to counter your negative thinking on its own immediately. And it will.
Creating a more positive and beneficial form of self-talk and positive self-thought is not as groundbreaking as you’ll see in the next section on CBT.
“Believe you can, and you’re halfway there.”
~ Theodore Roosevelt
How to build confidence (Psychology)
The process of using positive or informational thinking has been used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, also known as CBT, by therapists for well over 70 years.
CBT was developed in the 1950s by Aaron Beck, an American psychiatrist professor in the department of psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania.
CBT is a type of psychological therapy that can be very effective for many problems such as depression, anxiety disorders, alcohol, drug use, marital problems, eating disorders, and even different forms of severe mental illness.
Studies have shown that CBT can significantly improve quality of life. CBT has also proven to be as practical and often more effective than other psychological therapy or psychiatric drugs.
CBT is built upon understanding and recognizing negative beliefs or false assumptions.
CBT helps an individual see that the negative self-images or beliefs they are thinking about are often false or unsubstantiated ideas, then countering those negative thoughts or misbeliefs with the actual positive truths or facts.
The good news is that this process of rebuilding one’s own mental image and positive beliefs is not rocket science.
CBT is a more in-depth examination and categorization of the different types of thinking that one can have.
CBT is a highly practiced, sound, and proven method that’s pretty simple and relatively quick for anyone to gain a more positive sense of themselves and suspend the vicious cycle of negative thoughts or misconceptions.
In the book Beat Low Self-Esteem With CBT, Christine Wielding, psychotherapist, and Stephen Palmer, coaching and counseling psychologist, write:
“Self-esteem can best be described as having confidence in your own abilities and values. It does not mean thinking that you are the best at everything but feeling comfortable with yourself even when you are not. It is accepting yourself, with all your strengths and weaknesses, while still taking opportunities for self-development.”
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We are always the same age inside.” ― Gertrude Stein
Things to be confident about
Let’s look at how you can create a list of positive attributes, qualities, and own abilities that can help you regain confidence and self-esteem quickly.
Very easy, confident builders are things you know to be true about yourself. These are key to helping give you some immediate confidence.
From the mind.org website.uk
“Negative experiences can lower your confidence and self-esteem, like going through a breakup or being teased about your appearance. And positive experiences can boost your confidence and self-esteem, like doing well on a test, getting a compliment on how you look or doing something nice for a friend or neighbor.”
This is why we need a ready-made list of positive life experiences to reinforce negative thinking.
Here are some straightforward examples that will help you build your list to reach higher levels of self-confidence.
- You finished high school and have a diploma or GED.
- You passed driver’s education classes and have gotten your license.
- You have gotten good grades in a subject.
- You’re a great skier, swimmer, football player, or other physical activity.
- You can play the guitar well or play another type of instrument well
- You can sing well or sing in a choir
- You are great at games or crossword puzzles
- You have passed a course or certification like a lifeguard or real estate agent.
- You have managed a store or a group of people on a successful project.
- You’ve been promoted or elected to a higher position in your class or at work.
- You have become more adept at advertising on social media platforms
- You easily integrate into new things and new challenges within your community work or social circles
- You can easily set goals and follow through and accomplish them
- You are great at leading groups of people on a project towards a positive outcome
- You have integrated well and worked with many successful people
- You are capable of learning new skills
- You have a growth mindset and are very interested in personal development
- You’ve learned to fly a plane or sail a boat
- You are a great friend and are very adept in social situations.
- You have people in your life that have been long-term friends that admire and or care for you.
- You have had some very close or intimate relationships in your lifetime
- You are lucky enough to have someone you can call your best friend.
- You consider yourself a good person.
These are just some ideas you can expand upon to create your list of all the great things I know you can find about yourself.
The positive attributes and experiences you can write down on your list can be as simple as making a list of what you need to get at the market, and then when you go to the market, you get everything on that list and nothing else you don’t need.
Writing this down proves that you have strength in your convictions and are aware and responsible for yourself and your needs. It also demonstrates that you are able to follow through with a plan.
I think it’s safe to say that you don’t think about this type of positive thinking and run through your list of positive affirmations when you lack self-confidence or self-esteem.
Starting your confidence-building list is the most important thing you can do to overcome a lack of self-confidence.
“If being an egomaniac means I believe in what I do and in my art or music, then in that respect you can call me that… I believe in what I do, and I’ll say it.” ― John Lennon
Activities to boost confidence
Stepping out of your comfort zone and overcoming your fear of failure is the best way to overcome low self-esteem and build self-confidence.
Making a small goal and taking small steps that will create successful interactions and positive changes in the world is a great way to overcome low self-confidence.
In his article on the Psychology Today website, Self-confidence VS Self-Esteem, Neel Burton M.D. has created a comparative quote, “Just as self-confidence leads to a successful experience, so successful experience leads to self-confidence.”
Next time someone is interested in spending time with you or asks you to go out, it will move you out of your comfort zone and force you to get out of your own head.
It is a positive way to become that new, better, more positive person you desperately desire to become.
Going to pro sporting events or even high school events can get you to make eye contact and be around positive self-confident people.
Finding activities and social interactions in your own life that are easy to do and inexpensive, and fun, is not the problem.
The significant change you need to make is learning to recognize and overcome your limited belief system, negative thinking, and your well-developed repetitive negative self-talk.
This change will create a more confident version of you that you can share with the world.
You are learning how to use your list of positive attributes so you can counter your repetitive negative thoughts with strong positive self-talk. Give yourself positive feedback.
Here are just a few examples of negative thinking many people have.
- I don’t feel comfortable with those people
- I don’t thrive in those environments
- I don’t think I’m as good as those people
- I’m not good-looking enough to be mixing in that group
- I’ve never been good at that kind of thing.
- Those people are so much more socially adept than I am
What are the signs of a confident person?
The most apparent sign or attribute in confident people is that they move and act as if they don’t care much about what others think.
I will say here that it’s good to consider or care about how your actions might affect others negatively. It’s thoughtful, kind, and mature.
However, what someone thinks about what you choose to do in your life after you’ve considered the repercussions and decided to do something, as long as it does not hurt others, is not something that successful people will pay attention to.
Confidence shows a level of personal strength and initiative, which imbues charisma, and charisma is incredibly enticing for everyone.
You’ve seen great examples of people with confidence and high self-esteem in action with successful business people, sports figures, and celebrities.
Their body language even shows us that they have a positive attitude and approach to whatever they do.
You, too, can create a more charismatic demeanor in yourself as you travel through and take more control of your life as you build confidence.
You can improve at building self-confidence and creating healthy self-esteem and high self-confidence if you do the little things that will design and develop more confident behaviors.
Dealing with confidence and confidence issues is a lifelong, long-term process.
Because, as you know, we all could fall from a high place of grace or stature.
We’ve all seen significant sports figures, celebrities, and successful business people take a turn for the worst, falling from grace, ending up broke, broken, or miserable, and even ending up in handcuffs.
Confidence is having faith in yourself and that tomorrow will bring a new day with more positive and magical life experiences that we can add to our growing list of positive life-affirming experiences.
By developing this self-affirming methodology that I’ve laid out for you, you will learn to turn even tragic, sometimes comical failures into an important event that turned out to make a huge difference in your life and be, in the end, a tremendously positive one for you.
“Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”
― E.E. Cummings
A lack of confidence and poor self-esteem is fairly common, so don’t feel that you are alone. We all grow up with feelings of less than, not good enough, or that we’ve been short-changed, that were not good-looking enough, or not smart enough, not talented enough, not deserving enough, or we’re not worthy enough, and on and on and on.
However, we all have some wins in life, even if they happened long ago or just recently.
All of your past successes are proof of your capabilities that you can use to give you confidence right now. You simply need to
We can choose to make a direct link back to that winning moments, or we can choose to forget about them and wallow in our sense of loss or never-ending thoughts of self-doubt.
Our wins, the positives, and the best moments and successes should never be forgotten.
They should stay right in the forefront of our minds so that in that split second that we stop believing in ourselves, our capacity, or our capabilities, those wins can lift us back up, giving us higher levels of confidence or a short term boost when we need them to.
Being our best self requires that we remember and exalt in our best selves, in those magnificent moments when we were the confident winners.
All those positive, good examples of your best life that you put on your list, sometimes the big wins, sometimes the small ones, are who you are.
Remembering who we were is the only way to know who we are.
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” ― Lao Tzu
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My Name is Marty Ward and I’m the creator and publisher of the 1-Vibrant-Life blog.
On March 8th, 1984, I sustained a traumatic brain injury in a car accident while I was driving to my day job.
At the time of the accident, I was having a fairly successful life as a musician in Chicago, which had included a recent appearance on Star Search 84′ with Ed McMahon and preparing to be included in the group’s major independent recording contract.
However, after my accident, I was unable to perform or play my instrument. I was out of work and I had lost all confidence in myself and my abilities, felt lost and with no direction.
My injury and my recovery led me down a path of self-improvement, and self-discovery which gave me my life back filled with many amazing experiences and a newfound sense of hope. Learn more about my story on the 1-vibrant-life about page.
CBTCP Certification (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Certified Practitioner) | 10-16-2021 Certification From The Academy of Modern Applied Psychology, in The Transformative Science of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, CBT